By Tim Weissman, Ph.D.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Lao Tzu.
If you are unfamiliar with Lao Tzu, I highly recommend his wisdom. A great deal of Eastern philosophy grew from his work, and when it comes to mental health, Eastern traditions have much to teach us about anxiety and depression.
In psychological counseling, we look toward natural, behavioral changes to improve mental health. Frequently, the most significant challenge to making behavioral change is simply taking “a” first single step. “A” first single step – in the sense that there are many potential single steps we can take, and the open-ended nature of that truth can be overwhelming, to the point of paralyzing our ability to act. Or, the gap between how we feel, versus how we want to feel, is so vast that our actions feel fruitless or wasted. So taking “a” first single step fails to happen because we believe we need “The” perfect first single step, and we stand by feeling hopeless that change will ever come.
Lao Tzu’s quote is quite salient here. To me, the meaning of those words is that we all must begin somewhere if we want to change. No one ever ended a journey without beginning. So, decide to begin, then act. Don’t miss your chance to change because you feel like it will take too long or that you don’t know if your first single step will work or not. If you want to traverse a long distance, the ONLY way is to begin moving in the direction you want to go.
And that is ok. In fact, it’s great news. It’s a success to simply begin. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need perfect insights or a crystal-clear path along the roadmap of life. You just need to take “a” single first step. And, here is the really great news - it should be a SMALL step. Do not trick yourself in to believing you need grand bold action to begin your journey. What is needed is a very small step headed in the direction you want to end up.
Decide on something small and act, then give yourself proper credit for starting. Don’t downplay it in your mind. It is a personal win, an achievement to take your step. That small single first step is the beginning of the journey. Just start moving in the right direction. That is the key.
To overcome anxiety or depression, I encourage you to take one single small step toward better mental health. To assist you in starting, I have compiled 5 potential first steps which you can decide to take. You can decide to engage in 1 or replace them with your own single first step for your journey. Again, the key, the success, is just to take a first step – pointing you in the direction you want to go. It should be a step that is small and achievable. Doing it is a success.
1. Eliminate/Reduce Social Media and the News
This is at the top on my list because of its special importance during a worldwide pandemic. Media consumption can be associated with many mental health challenges. Social media has received a great deal of attention in recent years, as excessive use can be associated with anxiety and depression, as well as a host of other struggles. While I suggest you eliminate or cut your social media use at least in half (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc), I also suggest you significantly limit more traditional news – newspapers, news websites and television news programs.
News media make their living on getting your attention so that their advertisers can sell products and services. Nothing grabs our attention like bold headlines warning us about the dangerous world around us. The implication is that we better stay tuned to find out how to be protected. Taking this information in to your mind numerous times per day can activate your fear response and increase levels of stress hormones. Further, the information very rarely changes, and the same fearful messages just keep getting reinforced day after day.
I challenge you to stay away from the news for one full day. Assess how you feel after doing this. If you feel even slightly calmer, consider going for 2 days. You are not required to pay attention to all the doom and gloom being promoted by news sites. In fact, you are free to give your attention to anything you like. Engage that freedom and help yourself reduce anxious and sad feelings.
Social media isn’t typically better. Platforms like Twitter tend to devolve into toxic bubbles of repetitive information, creating a sense of hopelessness and a false impression that the world is littered with angry people fighting with each other. You might have heard the adage “Twitter isn’t real life.” It’s true in the sense that the anger and conflict displayed on the platform are not actually everyone’s common daily experience of the world. Avoid allowing your mind to go down the rabbit hole. If you aren’t comfortable going Cold Turkey and simply eliminating social media, I recommend using a screen time app which limits you to 30 min per day.
2. Exercise
Have you ever heard of a “runner’s high?” People who run for exercise frequently develop a keen desire to engage in the practice simply because of how they feel when they run. After 20-30 minutes of strong aerobic running, our bodies release endorphins – nature’s feel-good drug. Endorphins interact with a neurotransmitter in the brain to reduce our perception of physical pain and trigger a feeling of elation. This feeling can last hours and usually continues having a positive effect on our mood for up to a full day.
The good news for those of us with older knees is that running is not required to release these endorphins. Any aerobic exercise will do the same, as long as you get your heart rate up for 20-30 minutes. A decent rule of thumb is that you need to break a sweat. Of course, always choose your exercise routine within the scope of your physical health limitations and consult with your physician if you have a condition which may preclude aerobic activity.
So my suggestion is to find an exercise which safely works for you and raise your heart rate up enough to sweat for 3 days, and see how you feel. If you feel even slightly less anxious or depressed, consider continuing on this path. Think of it as a prescription, just like the ones you get at the pharmacy. You have access to a medicine which is produced naturally inside your own body, and which has an amazing list of benefits – improved mood, improved physical health, decreased pain, decreased stress. More info is here about the benefits of exercise on mental health.
3. Create a Thought Log
Sigmund Freud opened the world up to the notion of the unconscious mind. His novel idea was that we have feelings, thoughts and motivations beyond our conscious awareness. From years of counseling, the way I see the unconscious mind is like an internal recording playing over and over in our mind. These recordings are messages we send ourselves – frequently relating to judgments we have made about who we are and who we are supposed to be. When these judgments play over and over in our unconscious mind, our feelings shift. Frequent self-criticism strengthens fear and sadness, and we typically don’t shine the light of logic and rationality on to this, so the feelings don’t tend to improve.
Creating a thought log can bring in the light. My suggestion is to get a basic journal and begin writing down thoughts throughout your day – positive and negative. Try not to get stuck obsessing about what to write or when it’s enough, etc. Just decide that you will attempt to be as aware as possible of your thoughts for the day. Pay special attention to thoughts about yourself. These can be the real gems to bring up into awareness. Folks struggling with anxiety or depression will tend to have a good deal of negative self-thoughts – “I’m not good enough for them. This job is too hard for me. I should have offered to pick up the kids, I’m selfish. My life sucks. I’ll never get better.”
Once you can begin the process of capturing your internal thoughts and getting them on paper, you can start challenging them. Nine times out of ten, the internal messages are irrational and unfair. They are judgements we likely would not make about someone for whom we cared deeply, and they don’t generally stand up to logical scrutiny. A solution is to call the messages out, come up with a mantra to repeat whenever you are aware of the negative messages, and choose to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you genuinely love. Would you be a bit more forgiving of your loved one? Then, be more forgiving to yourself.
4. Mindfulness Meditation
Another excellent first step is Mindfulness Meditation. Anxiety and fear look to the future – thinking “what if?” Sadness looks to the past – thinking “what is lost?” Mindfulness brings us to the present, simply thinking “what is.” Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Obtaining a sense of mindfulness takes practice, but the benefits are immense. Mindfulness is associated with mental focus and clarity, reduction in stress and improved memory.
A wonderful way to learn mindfulness is with a guided meditation. There are numerous apps on the market which can help you practice mindfulness meditation. In a guided meditation, a speaker will give you verbal instructions to assist you in calming your mind. Typically, this is paired with serene music or perhaps binaural beats. The combined effects are an enhanced sense of peace and easing of tension.
For beginners, the process will likely feel odd and your mind will likely continue its nonstop distracted thinking. This is normal and expected. My suggestion is to simply allow your mind to do this and to gently bring yourself back to focusing on the meditation when you notice. Practicing mindfulness meditation will improve your ability to empty your thoughts, and this will eventually translate to the ability to become mindful without a formal meditation process. You will ultimately be able to reduce tension and stress with a 10-min mindfulness pause during a busy day.
My suggestion is to choose to meditate 2 times per day for 3 days – 10 min each time. I suggest using an app with guided meditations. On the 3rd day, ask yourself if you have benefited emotionally. If you have, then consider extending the practice. And remind yourself, no matter what happens, this is a step in the direction you want to end up. Even if you chose to take different steps, this is still movement on your journey.
5. Seek support around you
The experience of being overwhelmed by anxiety and depression can become what is called a positive feedback loop. You may be familiar with the concept – a common example is when a microphone gets too close to a speaker playing the sound from the microphone. The sound starts to reverberate louder and louder – quickly getting out of control and highly irritating. The solution is to pull the microphone away from the speaker, then the sound subsides.
With anxiety and depression, a positive feedback loop can take place as well. Feeling isolated and alone, we withdraw from the world to attempt to manage our stress. But, disconnecting from people only serves to enhance feelings of isolation and loneliness – making anxiety and depression worse, which then motivate us to withdraw more. Our feelings feed off our behavior and the behavior feeds off the feelings. The result is worsened anxiety and depression.
Like in the microphone example, the solution is to do the opposite of what we have been doing. Rather than isolating we should seek support from people. Talk to a friend. Call a relative. Find a social activity where you will engage with people. Seek counseling. Human support comes in many forms. Be willing to ask for help from people with which you are close.
My suggestion for a single first step is to pick two people you trust and call them. Let them know you have been struggling recently and would like to meet for lunch. You don’t have to go in to great detail or emotionally unload on the phone. Just say you have been thinking about them and wanted to catch up in person. After lunch, assess how you feel. If you are even slightly less anxious or sad, consider reaching out on a more regular basis to your friends and family. And, remind yourself, that just doing this exercise is a step in the right direction, no matter how your lunch experience goes. You are taking steps on your journey, and that is a success.
If you or someone you know could use support across life’s challenging journey - please visit Journey’s Bridge Counseling.